Sunday

It's been a month..and yet nothing has changed. everything seams fleeding here, and yet i want it all to dissapear. i sleepwalk thru my days here, doing thing because i need to do them, school..sleep..homework..food, these things seam to have lost their purpose. so i start to experiment. do i really need food? try removing it. do i really need sleep? no, not reallt, haven't had a dreamless night since i came here, almost four months ago, i seam to sleep all the time, in class, when i get home, at night, even when i'm not sleeping and yet i wake up more tired than when i fell asleep. i'm in a constant state of wanting, but never getting rest. the dreams are never good, always nightmares in one way or another, i'm not even sure what they are about, i'm not sure why im writing at the moment. not much to write about besides my boring lonely days..and nights.

i dream of green and cold. everything was burning here and then it stopped. i wished for rain so long it came..and hasen't stopped yet. i don't presume i caused it but sometimes it feels like it's bending to my mood, my will, my state of mind. it's been raining for two weeks in the Australian summer now and no signs that it will stop, it's nice, clean and at least one can breathe.

I long for home and trees and forests, sometimes i wish i lived in Washington, for obvious reasons, it looks so peaceful, i've made my peace with the rain, i actually prefer it to the blazing sun. i dream of peace of mind, don't know if it's ever coming..